Bloggers beware!

Remember the phrase, 'be careful what you wish for'? Well I think that there should also be a phrase, 'be careful what you write'! In my last blog I responded to a challenge to write about a song that 'takes me to my happy place' no matter what's going on in my life at the time. No problem I thought and gaily started to write about the song, 'Singing in the rain', from the film with the same title. I should have remembered that in most films things tend to go wrong before the happy ending!

Almost as soon as I'd pressed the publish button, circumstances arose that had me not only desperately singing that song, but also had me searching for something else in my life that can take me to my 'happy place'!

If you've been following my blogs you may remember that in February, on the day my grandson was born, my hubby had a seizure completely out of the blue. This all happened in Manchester. At the time I happened to reading about 19th century Manchester for my open university course and the chapter I'd been reading was titled, 'Manchester-shock city!'. Well guess what? Manchester has done it again!

My eldest son, who lives in Manchester, has had a pacemaker since he was 11 years old. He does very well with it but every so often he has to have it changed as the battery runs out. The time had come around again for a battery change and this routine procedure, which should be done as a day patient, was scheduled for Monday 15th July. However a routine scan on the Friday prior to his procedure revealed that his pacemaker was faulty and he was immediately admitted.

After much consultation with my son and his wife, it was agreed that I would go up to Manchester on the Sunday afternoon after my choir had finished performing at Ox-fest as originally planned.

Then the fun began!

The journey started well enough as my hubby had upgraded us to first class as a surprise. I settled in to enjoy the journey but at Birmingham New Street we had to evacuate, not only the train, but also the station as the fire alarm was going off. It proved to be a false alarm and so we boarded the train and went on our way. It also proved to be a portent of things to come!

On the Monday the doctor's carried out a slightly more complicated operation replacing and re-siting the pacemaker and inserting 2 new pacing leads. All seemed to go well but as the evening went on he became increasingly breathless and developed a pain in his chest.


Unfortunately one of the possible complications of this procedure was a collapsed lung, (or pneumothorax for any medically minded people), and my son was one of the unlucky ones.

The doctors inserted a chest drain to release the trapped air causing the lung to collapse and next day an x-ray confirmed that the lung had reflated so the chest drain was removed. A few hours later the lung collapsed again and we were back to square one. Another chest drain was inserted and after another anxious 24 hours this one was removed and the following lunchtime he was allowed home.

By this time I must admit singing 'Singing in the rain' wasn't really working for me any more.

All seemed to go well but after having gone for a nap  my son woke up feeling breathless again and off to A&E we went. Thankfully it was a false alarm and at 1am the following morning we arrived back home, exhausted but relieved.

My 'happy song' wasn't working for me, so how did I cope?

Back in February the arrival of my first grandchild had been the thing that had kept us all going. Just looking at this amazing, tiny, perfect little boy was enough to release any tension that not only me, but also the rest of the family, were feeling. Gazing at him as he slept or even watching him screw up his face as he cried, just melted our hearts and brought a smile where before had been anxiety or even tears. What a big responsibility for such a tiny boy.

Fast forward a few months and once more that same little boy is weaving his magic. Despite all the drama he continues to melt our tears away and even make us smile as he laughs and giggles, completely oblivious to the drama that's unfolding around him. He's helped to give us hope when things seemed at their darkest.

I'm sure that any grandparents or even parents will right now be nodding their heads and smiling in agreement. It's not that you're any less worried or stressed, but looking at these tiny miracles helps to bring hope and help you to cope with any situation, you have too for their sake.

We found out later that my son's old pacemaker had failed to restart when he was on the operating table so he was incredibly fortunate in the timing of it's replacement. I knew my son was going to be OK when on visiting him he told us that he'd been putting together a play list of songs including:
'Every breath you take', Sting and  'You'll never walk alone' by Gerry and the Pacemakers, among other heart/lung related sons!

I can't honestly say that I've been feeling like I could sing and dance, but my lovely grandson has certainly helped to make the situation more than just bearable.

Not everyone has the privilege of being parents or grandparents, but I hope that if you think hard enough you can find something that'll give you a lift when everything around you seems to be falling apart. Why not try thinking now of what it might be and then you'll be prepared for when,or hopefully if, you need it.


On a positive note my hubby is fine and all the tests the doctors ordered were completely clear, so we'll probably never know why he had a seizure. I've nothing personal against Manchester, but a little part of me is thinking that perhaps my son and his family should move somewhere else-just saying!

© 2013

If you missed it here is the link to the Manchester: shock city blog.
http://isabelj327.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/manchester-shock-city.html

 

Happy place photo courtesy of kingdomofstyle.typepad.co.uk

Grandma was here courtesy of facebook.com.Incredible

What makes us smile? A blog challenge.

One of the up sides of social media is that we get the opportunity to find out about people and things that we otherwise wouldn't. A few months ago I started following Sloan Rawlins on Twitter which led to me also following her blog under the name of "Taming the Invisible Dragon". I started to follow her because she seems to be on a similar 'journey' to myself. A journey of aspiring to be happy and at peace with herself and the world. Well who doesn't want that?

 

In her latest post she had taken up a challenge set by another fellow blogger, Lori Lane. Lori has issued a challenge to write about things that make you happy. Not just happy in that it brings a smile to your face, but 'making you want to sing and dance and love the whole world' type of  happy. The idea is that you write a blog about a certain type of thing she chooses that makes you happy and invite others to write about the same topic. Then Lori will choose a different thing that makes her happy to blog about and share this, and so on. Confused don't be all will soon become clear.

The topic of this weeks challenge is to write about a song that makes you happy.

I've chosen 'Singing in the rain' from the film with the same title.

Why?

At the tender age of 8 years old I took to the stage for the first time and in front of my family, friends and a fair amount of strangers, and sang this song, on my own with 4 other young girls dancing behind me twirling umbrellas . This has to be one of the most wonderful memories of my childhood. I only have to hear this song, or even better watch the film, and I'm immediately transported back to that time and place. That night, on that stage, I really felt as if the world was my oyster and that anything was possible. I remember even as a teenager walking home on warm summer's evenings with my best friend singing and dancing to this song just because I was high on the joy of living.

Even the words of the song are inspiring. If we can be 'singing in the rain' and  'laughing at clouds so high up above', to quote some of the lyrics, then life will take on a whole new meaning.

I didn't grow up to be a famous West end or Broadway star. I've had my share of life's highs and lows, ( I won't say fair share as who decides what's fair?), But even as I'm writing this blog, I can feel a bubble of happiness quickening inside of me, chasing away the anxieties that have been plaguing me. Almost against my will I'm grinning as I once again feel the excitement of that evening.

This weekend the Adult Singing Group, Woapa, that I'm a part of are performing at a local music festival, Ox-feast. I'm a 'lady of a certain age' who has never even been to a music festival before and here I am performing at one! Of course I'm absolutely terrified. But I'm also really excited and writing this blog and thinking about my favourite song has only helped to increase this feeling of excitement.

In the words of one of the songs that we will be singing this weekend, a song from the musical Fame;

 'Bring on tomorrow. let it shine'.

So who's up for the challenge? What makes you smile? © 2013


Below is the link to "Taming the Invisible Dragon"

http://tamingtheinvisibledragon.com/

Happiness picture courtesy of World of Lupus Facebook group.

Don't leave it too late!

Life can be so cruel sometimes. Last year I found out that a very dear friend and neighbour had been told that she only had about 2 weeks to live. Despite going backwards and forwards to the hospital for the past 4 years, a recent scan revealed that, not only did she have cancer, but that it had spread to all her major organs, They offered her chemotherapy but as it wouldn't really make any difference to the outcome, she chose not to have it. Not ready to die yet she put up a brave fight but sadly passed away on the morning of Friday 14th June. I'll miss her terribly.

My neighbour was a very 'young at heart' eighty odd year old, who despite having some of the usual aches and pains associated with getting older, loved to get out and about everyday. She always had time for a chat and took a great interest in me and my family. When I needed someone to talk too, she was always there and never judged me in any way. Normally she would have been one of the first people that I would have phoned to tell the good news about my son achieving a first in his Master's degree in Mathematics. But I can only stare at the telephone trying to come to terms with the fact that I'll never again be able to call her, knowing that she would be as delighted as I am at his achievements. My neighbour had watched my son grow up and  knew how hard he had worked and some of the obstacles he'd had to overcome along the way.

Usually when people are given this news they've more often than not been ill for some time and have had more time to come to terms with it. I've heard that it's a bit like going through the grieving process working your way through shock, denial, anger, bargaining and hopefully acceptance. My friend didn't deserve this and I feel angry as well as sad on her behalf.

We often lightly use the phrase, 'life's too short'. I know I do. But sometimes it takes something like this to make us realise how short.

'Life is short. Focus on what matters and let go of what doesn't' 

But why am I writing this?

By the time I found out that my friend was terminally ill she had gone into a hospice and was unable to receive visitors. I hadn't seen her for a couple of weeks and had been 'meaning' to phone her but never 'got round to it'! Other things got in the way. This is something that I'll regret for a long time. I couldn't help thinking about funerals I'd been to in the past where people spoke about what that person had meant to them and remember thinking that it was such a shame the person in question wasn't able to hear it. I decided to write to my friend telling her how much knowing her had meant to me and thanking her for all the times she'd helped and encouraged me. I gave this letter to her family and left it to their discretion whether to share it with her or not. I have since found out that they did.


One of the lessons I've learnt from this tragic situation is that I need to make sure that I tell the people in my life that I appreciate and care about them while I still can. Next time I 'mean' to call someone, I'll try to do it right away and not keep putting it off. Making time to call someone may just save me from a lifetime of regret.

She was a very special lady and will leave a gap in my life that will be hard to fill. But she's left behind the memory of a life well lived and one worth aspiring to emulate.

Here's a poem I wrote in memory of my friend. To help me cope with losing, not just her, but other special people in my life.

'Speak fondly when remembering the times that once we shared

The laughs, the tears, the moments when, a single look conveyed

A thousand things, a thousand words inadequate to show

How knowing you enriched my life, but now I have to go.  

Speak loudly, laugh as memories come flooding through your mind

Your shoulder wet from tears you shed whenever I was kind

The random acts of kindness that you witnessed me perform

The peace I helped you find within the eye of nature’s storms. 

Speak softly when the thought of me brings tears into your eyes.:

The empty ache inside of you may fade as years go by. 

But know that I’m still with you, your heart my resting place

Until the time we meet again, somewhere in time and space. 

Let silence not become the thief that takes me from your heart

Speak, and I’ll always be with you though we are far apart

My life has gone and I am but a page in time and space

But when you speak your words restore me to, a special place.' 

© 2013

What's holding you back from pursuing your dream?

Recently I was deserted by my hubby who'd gone to help our youngest son pack up and move out of his student digs. Finally after 4 years of hard work, as well as the obligatory student lifestyle, he has finished his Master's degree in Mathematics. Before you ask, he did not get it from me! Depending on his results, he has been offered a place at Liverpool university to do a PHD. We're so proud of him as you might well expect, but it's not just because he's persevered and finished his degree, but also because he had a dream and he did whatever it took to make that dream happen.

Let me explain. When he was in secondary or senior school he was placed in a Mathematics programme where for some obscure reason he could never achieve higher than a B grade in maths. This also meant that he wasn't taught Further Maths which would put him at a disadvantage if he wanted to do the A level. The night of his parent's evening when we were speaking to one of his teachers about his choice of subjects for A level, he was told he probably wouldn't get to study maths at university because of this. Undeterred my son worked his socks off and achieved the B in Maths at GCSE level required to do the A level and wholly of his own initiative approached the teacher who would be teaching him A level Maths and asked him for work to do over the school holidays to bring him up to speed with the other students in Further Maths. As you can see, he pulled it off and the rest, as they say, is history.

As is my wont, this got me thinking! Why is it so many of us never fully realise our dreams and aspirations?

Why is it that it's taken me until the later years of my life to start to pursue my dream of being a writer?

In my case one very obvious reason was lack of confidence in myself. As a child although I was quite bright I never came first,  although I was often in the top 3 or 4. But for some reason that I can't understand this left me feeling 'second best', that I could never be good enough to come first. I can only assume that this was also tied up in other things that were going on in my life at the time, but I'm not going to explore that here. Over the years things have happened that seemed to confirm this lack of belief in myself. For me, getting over this hurdle came with maturity. I've stopped being so hard on myself. I've realised that it really isn't winning the race that matters but the taking part in the first place. If you don't try something, yes you'll never fail, but you'll have no chance of winning either.

This leads me on to another reason, fear of failing. How often have you not done something in case it didn't work out? I know that I have and too many times to remember I'm ashamed to say. But another feature of growing older is that I now know that if something doesn't work out, it's really not the end of the world! It's by making mistakes that we learn and grow. If we always got things right first time we'd never develop and would be that rare if not extinct creature-a perfect human being.

Surrounding yourself with the wrong people. It's hard to be around someone who's always right and sometimes we surround ourselves with people that feed into our insecurities and aren't always as encouraging as they could be. An author friend of mine wrote that we should surround ourselves with people who make us feel good about ourselves. It's in such a supportive and nurturing atmosphere that we can dare to take any chances necessary in pursuit of our dreams and aspirations.

Being afraid of hard work. Achieving your dreams doesn't just happen. It can require an enormous amount of effort. I think that some people, myself included, give up too easily. even the most talented singers, actors or painters, to name but a few, have had to work hard to get where they are and continue to do so. Don't give up just because it gets tough. Remember the saying; 'if a things worth doing, it's worth doing well!' and that requires effort.








I know that life isn't always that simple. That things can and do happen that get in the way. Sometimes it's necessary to 'take time out' whether it's because of illness or bereavement or many other reasons. But as all the Paralympians who achieved medals at the Olympics last year have shown, there's always a way if you truly want something.

This is by no means a complete list of things that stop us achieving our goals. you can probably think of a lot more. But these are the ones that I'm working on overcoming and some days I'm more successful than others. One thing I've discovered is that when you're doing something you love and really want to do, even if it doesn't lead to anything; it sure is fun trying.


Here's a challenge! Try thinking of some of the things that are holding you back and see what you can do about even just one of them. You might surprise yourself- I did! © 2013

The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." - Ayn Rand

 

 

News just in! My son achieved a First in his Master's degree. One very proud mum.

No ordinary woman!

"In my life, I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've missed, I've hurt, I've trusted, I've made mistakes, but most of all, I've learned".

I came across this quote  on Twitter, my new source of inspiration it seems. There was no indication of who said it but it was obviously someone who's living or has lived, a very full life. I know for sure that I can relate to 7 of these actions and I'm hopeful that I have and still am 'learning'. 

Perhaps the fact that it wasn't attributed to anyone in particular means that it was written or spoken by an 'ordinary' person. someone just like me who, to date at least, has never done anything exceptional and is only 'famous' to family and friends.

I've recently finished reading 'Diary of an Ordinary Woman', by Margaret Forster. It was recommended to me by a friend who has watched me transform from a 'couch potato' thinking that at 50+ with health problems that all I was capable of was 'taking things easy', watching TV, reading, socialising and participating in a Movement and Mobility class, where the average age was 60, into someone who doesn't even have time to watch her favourite TV shows! Oh and who does Zumba and Street Dance, (at least I turn up each week and have a go).

"Democracy is based upon the conviction that there are extraordinary possibilities in ordinary people".

Once upon a time I might have read this and dismissed it as pretentious tosh, something that didn't have any bearing on my life. Reading Margaret Forster's book made me see that this can be true. On the face of it the plot of a book based on the diary of a women from being a teenager until she passed away in her 80's, doesn't seem like one that would grab me. I'm a Lee Child, John Grisham James Patterson type of girl. But from the moment I opened the book and started to read, I was gripped.

The character in the book reminded me of myself as a teenager. She complained at having to look after her younger siblings, something I could certainly relate too, being the eldest of 5 children. She voiced the resentments that had boiled inside of me but was too afraid to acknowledge thinking that people would think of me as a terrible person for feeling this way. In fact allowing people to see that I'm not perfect has made me more friends! Everybody makes mistakes, it's how we deal and learn from them that makes the biggest difference.

During her life this 'ordinary woman' worked as a Social worker, drove an ambulance during World War Two and even worked at Bletchley Park helping to break enemy codes, a vital service in helping to win the war. Then tragedy struck and she had to step in and become 'mother' to her niece and nephew when their mother, father and elder siblings were killed during a bombing raid over London. Suddenly this woman who had resented looking after her siblings as a child was thrust into motherhood, a role she embraced with the same vigour that she attacked her other roles. Eventually she took part in the human circle that surrounded Greenham Common in 1983.

What a life for an 'ordinary woman'!

Now I haven't done anything as amazing as this woman, but I know that I have been able to help people in the past. I also know that as long as I live I want to keep on 'trying to make a difference'. Simple acts of kindness, especially to strangers, can really make a difference.

Take time to speak to the old lady that you see each day or the young mum pushing her baby in her buggy.

 Smile at the old man on the bus with the food stains on his tie.

We are all 'Jock Tamsin's bairns' as my granny would have said. Being kind costs nothing, but it could make a difference to the lonely person that you just made feel worth while.

A very special lady who was a neighbour of mine died recently and her husband thanked me for being a good neighbour. I'd be proud to have that inscribed on my tomb stone.

Just because we may not do anything worthy of winning a Nobel prize doesn't mean that we can't make a difference. It seems to me that it's the everyday actions of 'ordinary' people that keeps the world turning. If we all do whatever it is that we are good at and try to be kind to each other, imagine what an amazing place this world would be. By being the best we can be as an 'ordinary woman/man', together we could make this world a much better place to live in.



  

A day in the 'glamorous' life of an author.

Yesterday I had the privilege of not only going to the official book launch of Brightness of Stars, but I also travelled there and back with the 'Lovely Lisa, her fiancé Stephen and ''Bezzie Mate' Kirsten.

I arrived at Lisa's house to find her frantically trying to finish of some work before we had to leave. Before we'd even left for the book launch, Lisa was already trying to prepare for the next couple of projects that she had lined up. But being the consummate professional that she is we left on time to drive to Hanborough to catch the train to Paddington.

The train arrived on time and a few minutes into the train journey, Lisa was already engaged in conversation with another passenger telling her about the book and inviting her to the launch. While the rest of us relaxed and enjoyed the journey to Paddington, she then spent time preparing her speech.

When we arrived at Paddington our first priority was to find a toilet. Having been to Paddington before, I was confused when Lisa set off in the wrong direction for the public toilets and instead led us upstairs and into the Hilton hotel to use the toilets there. At last, a taste of the glamorous lifestyle of an author! Then the journey continued.

Lisa had warned me that the journey involved a number of train changes and a lot of walking. She wasn't kidding! If my memory serves me right, we went on the Bakerloo line to Baker street where after a quick coffee we jumped on a train to Whitechapel where we changed for a train to New Cross, climbing up and down lots of stairs and escalators. Lisa even managed the impossible and had me running for a train which turned out not be ours.

Slightly later than expected we arrived at Goldsmiths University and were directed up more stairs to the room the book launch was to take place in. We'd only been there about 10-15 minutes when the fire alarm went off and we all had to troop down stairs  and wait for the all clear. There were exams taking place and the feeling was that some silly student had set the alarm off as a prank.

Eventually we were allowed back upstairs again. As if the false alarm wasn't stressful enough for Lisa she received a call to say that one of the speakers was stuck somewhere else, but undeterred she pressed on with the launch. As Tracey clicked away with her camera, Lisa and Pav, one of the contributors in the book, made very emotional, yet excellent speeches, then the young woman who'd been delayed started to speak. Suddenly the fire alarm went off again! I don't know how Lisa felt and her expression wasn't giving much away, but by this time I'd had enough. If this is the glamorous life of an author, I'm not sure I want it!

Another false alarm!

We made our way back into the building again and despite all these interruptions the evening continued and was a great success with Kirsten using some interesting techniques to sell all the raffle tickets.

Time to make the journey home.

At first this looked as if at last things were going our way. The 2 trains that we had to catch back to Paddington were waiting for us and on the second one we were relaxed enough to have a bit of a laugh as Kirsten tried to sell the book to complete strangers and an intervention was attempted on Sarah, (another story). There was a bit of a 'verbal flashmob' going on making the London commuters smile.

 

Then we arrived at Paddington to find that all the trains in the Oxford direction were cancelled! After much discussion involving trying other train routes or crashing on Sarah's sofa, we decided to wait it out and one hour and 5 or 10 minutes later, (although it seemed longer), we were on the train back to our various destinations. Very tired and very hungry as there hadn't been time to grab more than the odd snack all day, including an attempt at eating some dried Mango slices, which I'm planning to use to re-sole a pair of shoes, they were so tough!

Lisa by this time was very quiet and emotional. Who can blame her?

In the end the book launch was a great success, with the right people and organisations being there and Lisa has even been invited to do some work with the Social work department at Goldsmiths. But one thing it definitely wasn't was glamorous!

Well done everybody who attended and made the launch a success.

Lisa is already busy planning the next event in her busy life and she has my utmost admiration.

May-Lupus Awerness Month.

'Systemic lupus erythematosus (ⁱ/sɪˈstɛmɪk ˈluːpəs ˌɛrɪθiːməˈtoʊsəs/), often abbreviated to SLE or lupus, is a systemic autoimmune disease (or autoimmune connective tissue disease) that can affect any part of the body. As occurs in other autoimmune diseases, the immune system attacks the body's cells and tissue, resulting in inflammation and tissue damage.^[1] It is a Type III hypersensitivity

reaction in which antibody-immune complexes precipitate and cause a further immune response.'

 May is Lupus Awareness month. The month when those of us living with Lupus or Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, (SLE for short) try to raise awareness of the condition and even raise money to help researchers trying to find a cure. For those out there who haven't a clue what I'm talking about, Lupus is a condition where the body's immune system fights against itself instead of protecting it. Lupus is the Latin for wolf and just as a wolf has the reputation for being sneaky, so Lupus tends to sneak up on people.

It can flare up at anytime and can potentially attack any of the body's major organs, including the heart, brain, liver and kidneys, amongst other things. Kidney failure and arthritis are the two most common manifestations of Lupus but there are many sufferers who have been affected in more than one part of their body. One of the common features is a Butterfly rash on the face, hence the adoption of the butterfly as the symbol for Lupus. The majority of sufferers are women, but it does affect men and even children too. It can strike you when you least expect it and many people are thought to be Hypochondriacs for many years before they are properly diagnosed. I know I was.

At best us Lupus Warriors get tired very easily, have funny rashes on our bodies and if we go down with an infection, it can take a long time and more than one course of antibiotics for us to be well again. The ironic thing about it is that we often don't look sick and I know from personal experience that there have been times when I've been feeling at my worst when people have commented how well I'm looking, even doctors! If I tried to write about every possible way in which Lupus can affect someone, I'd have to write another 'War and Peace' length blog. What I can write about is how it has affected me personally.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Although there have been times in my life when I've been seriously ill to the point that the doctors told my family that they didn't think that I was going to make it, I haven't been left with any serious on going disability as some of my fellow 'Lupies' have. Lupus has attacked my Autonomic Nervous System, causing me to be unable to eat or drink, not even a sip of water, I became so emaciated that the doctors inserted a tube into the vein leading to the heart in an attempt to get some nutrition into me, which caused a blood clot that would have killed me if it had shifted and entered my heart. I had a stroke which the doctors weren't sure was a result of small blood clots entering the brain or because the Lupus was attacking the nerves in my brain.

I've had flare ups of Rheumatoid Arthritis as well as many, many infections which have led to me being allergic to several antibiotics. Lupus has also caused me to lose two babies and my eldest son had a pacemaker inserted at the age of eleven because of damage done to his heart by Lupus antibodies. I need to take tablets every day and have injections every 3 months.

Yet I still consider myself one of the lucky ones.

The drugs that the doctors use to manage Lupus symptoms are themselves potentially harmful, such as steroids and even some cancer drugs. Lupus not only affects the person suffering from it, but also has an impact on the lives of their families and friends. As yet the doctors don't know what causes it and there is no cure. It can, if your lucky, disappear just as easily as it appeared, or so I'm told.

I know that there are many other conditions and diseases that deserve as much consideration and research as Lupus. But this is May, Lupus Awareness month and I'm hoping that making people aware of how Lupus can affect someone, then if they come across someone living with Lupus they'll be more understanding. I'm praying that one day soon there will be a breakthrough and a cure will at last be found.

(With thanks to the World of Lupus and Atlanta Titus for the Lupus pictures!.