Anyone following my blogs, or even if you've just read my last one, (Blogger beware ), will know that life has been a bit fraught at times this year, to say the least! 2013 has been quite a challenge but on the whole I've been able to stay quite upbeat about it all-until last week that is.
At the time I coped really well and was able to remain positive. I surprised myself to be honest. As all mothers out there will know when your child needs you, you find a strength that you never knew you had. But it can catch up with you when you least expect it.
It's a week later and I'm back home. I should be relieved, happy, euphoric, but instead I feel flat, depressed, despondent. and suddenly I'm doubting everything. My hopes, my dreams and my ability to fulfil them.
It's at times like this that I believe that it isn't always a good idea to be listening to your 'inner voice'.
'Everyone has that inner voice, the one that's a Negative Nancy. I'd say to ignore that voice and be confident and follow your heart.' Katherine McPhee, quote from Brainy Quotes.
I came across this quote on Twitter when I was feeling at my most negative. When we've been through something stressful or traumatic it can affect our judgement. It's at times like this that I think that it's a good idea to sit back and do nothing of any importance, at least for a while. Making any major decisions is definitely not a good idea. This is what my heart is telling me to do.
I was 18 when my youngest brother who was only 13 died suddenly of a heart attack brought on by asthma. I was inconsolable and in my grief decided that I was going to throw in my job as a Medical Laboratory Scientific Officer and withdraw from the part time course I was attending and go to work for Christian Aid in Biafra. A wise older colleague persuaded me that I would be more use to them if I finished my qualifications first. I never did go to Biafra and as I was later diagnosed with Lupus, this probably was a good thing. I'm really grateful to that colleague as I believe that they stopped me from making a big mistake simply because I was in an emotionally unstable place.
'Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.' Marilyn Munroe.
Taking life one day at a time is always a good idea, but even more so when life is being particularly challenging. My inner voice over the past few days has been making me question what I'm doing and why, but not in a constructive, positive way. So I'm going to ignore that 'Negative Nancy' and give myself space and time to recover.
Tomorrow has yet to come and no matter what it may bring, worrying about it is a complete waste of energy and will achieve nothing. Isabel Johnstone, 2013.
So I'll carry on taking one step at a time and continue to pursue my dreams.
(Courtesy of Power of the beach.)
Acknowledgements:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/inner_voice.html#DV4j9YVBoKDL1Q7A.99
Don't let one bad chapter picture courtesy of www.hearttoheartthoughts.com
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