From the safe harbour.

From the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

I came across this quote on Twitter and it really resonated with me. It seemed to encapsulate the 'journey' I've been on for the past 3 years.  Prior to this time I'd become the epitome of the 'couch potato'. A combination of circumstances had conspired to sap me of my confidence in myself or my ability to be a useful member of society. I hid away in my 'safe harbour', telling myself that I was happy and content with my life.  So what changed?

One of my favourite daytime TV shows at the time was Loose Women, a lunchtime chat show, where 4 female celebrities discuss various topics in a light hearted way. I never missed an episode and would record it if for any reason I couldn't watch it in real time. One day as I was watching I thought to myself how brilliant it would be if they ran a competition where the prize was the opportunity to appear on the show and be a 'Loose Woman'.

Well how excited was I when not long after they announced that they were going to run a competition where the prize was exactly that! I convinced myself that it was fate and that all I had to do was enter and of course I'd win. Needless to say not only did I not win, I didn't even make the shortlist. To say that I was disappointed is definitely an understatement, in fact I was devastated. My reaction was completely out of proportion.

Once I got over the disappointment I began to realise that perhaps I wasn't as happy as I thought and this made me realise that I needed to do something about it.

"To change your life, you have to change yourself. To change yourself, you have to change your mindset." (unknown)

Once I got over the initial disappointment, I actually went through a phase of being angry at Loose Women, totally bizarre I know. But this anger spurred me on to make the changes necessary to change my life.

The rest, as they say, is history. I started volunteering at Cogges Manor Farm Museum where over a plate of Chilli in the Manor House kitchen I heard about Woapa, the adult singing group. I joined the singing group and one evening at choir practice, Lisa Cherry stood up and announced that she was about to publish her first book. My reaction to this was one of jealousy. Writing was something I'd dreamed of doing myself once and listening to Lisa made me realise that it was still smouldering away inside me. I started to follow Lisa on facebook and found out that she was running a Beginner's Writer's Workshop. I went to this workshop and when Lisa's second book, Brightness of the Stars', was launched recently it contained a short story, 'The Fluffy Dandelion', I'd written as a result of a writing prompt by Lisa. It was also Lisa who encouraged me to start writing this blog.

"20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away"

Natalie Lowe

I've definitely left my 'safe harbour', 'thrown off the bow lines' and I'm enjoying the exhilaration of the voyage of discovery I'm on. This past year has been amazing, so many new and exciting things happened; taking part in a flashmob and making a CD, not to mention having my first piece of fiction published. I even appeared on a TV programme with Lynda Bellingham, one of the Loose Women panelists, (hence photo above, I'm the one in the floral blouse)! It has been scary at times but I've never been tempted to return to the safety of my old life.

 

I'm a 'lady of a certain age' and as we all know life is uncertain whatever age we are. I love the imagery of being like a sail boat catching the Trade winds.There's an element of uncertainty about the direction it'll take you and at times you may end up becalmed, but as we all need times when we need to rest and recharge our batteries, that's no bad thing. I know that it won't all necessarily be 'plain sailing', but that's one of the elements that make for an interesting journey; a voyage of Discovery.

 

Loose Women inadvertently changed my life! Ironically I don't have time to watch it nowadays, I'm too busy. Who knows; perhaps one day I'll be invited on the show as a guest-well a girl can dream, can't she?

An awkward situation.

The 'lovely Lisa' who anyone who has been following my blogs from the beginning will have already heard about, gave a writing prompt on our writer's facebook page.

'I have a little writing prompt for you today.... Write about a time you felt most uncomfortable/awkward. Maybe a new job, first day at school, first date, second date,....you get the idea. Who is up for the challenge?' she wrote.

Well I love nothing more than a challenge, so here goes!

My awkward situation. (one of many)!

I guess for me one of many times I’ve felt uncomfortable was the day I met my in-laws for the first time. I was just a working class girl, the eldest of 5 children who lived in a terraced house on a housing estate. My mum worked as a cashier in a bingo hall and my dad was a handy man in a local factory.

Donald on the other hand was the youngest of 3, his father was a geologist, who’d written books, and his mother a doctor. They lived in a large detached house and had not 1, but 2 cars and I had to use ‘Shanksy’s pony’, (the bus) to get around. His mum was my mum’s family’s G.P, and to say that they were a disreputable lot would be a vast understatement. My future mother-in-law already knew about my family’s skeletons before she met me.

Despite this, I in my naivety set off, nervous but convinced that it would be ok.

They were friendly enough when I arrived but as soon as I was shown into their enormous lounge, I knew I was out of my depth. Undeterred, I adopted an ‘air of nonchalance’ and tried my best to act as if ‘to the manor born’. Then it was time for lunch.

Lunch at home was usually a bowl of soup or a sandwich. Here I was directed to the dining room, (a room which I thought was only to be found in a hotel) and was presented with a table set with more cutlery than I’d seen in my entire life. Well, we’ve all seen the films when the heroine has to watch to see which utensil everyone else uses for the different courses and that was the predicament I found myself in.

I managed not to dribble my soup down my chin or send my peas flying across the room. I quite enjoyed the main course, of sausages that had been removed from their skin and chopped up and served in a white sauce. At least that’s what I thought they were. I found out later that they were in fact sweetbreads or pancreas to give them their biological name. It’s just as well I didn’t know what they were before I ate them!

So far, so good. I reckoned that I was ‘pulling it off’.

 

Then came pudding! Pears poached in red wine.  

A simple enough dish and how could you make a fool of yourself eating them? How could such a simple dish be the undoing of all my hard work trying to ‘fit in’?

In those days I had a false tooth on a plate because of a rather nasty abscess I’d had which resulted in my tooth having to be extracted. Pears have a tendency to have little pips or stones; I’m not quite sure what they are. All I know is that one of these became stuck underneath the plate of my false tooth threatening to dislodge the tooth in front of the entire table. To try to minimise the embarrassment of the situation I chose to make a rapid exit clutching my hand to my mouth, hoping against hope that no-one noticed.

How I had the courage to re-enter that dining room, I’ll never know. I could quite happily have just slipped quietly out the front door and resigned myself to spinsterhood.

Fortunately, my future in-laws chose to see the funny side of things. I’m not sure to this day if the sweetbreads were a test or not as to me it was a strange dish to serve to a stranger. Whatever it was, I passed and went on to have a very good relationship with them, and thanks to modern dentistry the offending ‘tooth’ is no longer a problem.

If only all of my awkward moments had such a happy ending? But that’s another story.

Keep looking up, even when you feel down.

Being human means that we are a mixed bag of emotions. One of the lessons we learn, to a greater or lesser degree depending on our upbringing, is how to deal with these emotions. Have you ever watched as a young child has had a temper tantrum in a supermarket and found yourself wondering what type of adult that child will grow up to be? Fortunately, it's possible, with the right training for children to learn that this isn't the right, or even the best, way to achieve what you want.

As a child we find it easy to express how we feel. If a baby is hungry they cry; if  happy they laugh; and how many of us have been on the receiving end of a suspicious stare from a toddler? But as we grow up and especially when we reach adulthood, many of us find it hard to show how we are feeling, especially when we are sad or even angry. Suppressing these negative emotions is one of many causes of Clinical Depression. I know because it happened to me. But this isn't what this blog is about.

 

I have a friend who has published a book about growing up in and out of the care system, and her experiences of life after being launched out into the 'big, wide world'. In it she talks about the time when she was homeless and living on the streets. At this time she remembers lying in the gutter and looking up at the 'Brightness of the Stars'. Now in her 40's she is a successful author, speaker, Mother, among other things. Somehow this young sapling who, through no fault of her own, reached depths that many of us will never experience, yet managed to reach up to the 'Brightness of the Stars' and turn her life completely around. If you want to find out more then I recommend buying her book titled 'Brightness of the Stars:.......' available now on Amazon or through her website, www.Lisacherry.co.uk.

This made me wonder, if she hadn't been looking up, would she have found the strength and courage to turn things around? If you walk around constantly looking down all you see is the rubbish and detrius of life or your own feet that are tired and weary from the trudging journey that you're on. This can make you feel as if that's the way life will always be and remove all hope. Looking down it's very easy to become so wrapped up in yourself and your own problems that you fail to see the beauty and possibilities of life or even the hands that are being stretched out to help you.

I know that it's not easy. It takes an enormous effort to keep looking up when you are down in the depths. In her first book 'Soul Journey' Lisa shares the stories of other women who have risen above their circumstances and made a happy, successful life for themselves. It is possible.

When I was depressed my children were 'the stars' that helped me get through each day and gave me the strength that I needed to fight my way back to health. I'm sure we all have something that we recognise as 'our stars', a reason to fight. The gift of life itself is sometimes enough if we can only see it. There is something truly inspiring about 'The Brightness of the Stars'.

Portal to another world!

As a child whenever things got tough I'd disappear into another world. I was blessed with an over active imagination so it wasn't very hard for me to imagine that I was really a princess who had been 'swapped at birth' and that some day my real parents would appear and re-instate me to my rightful position as a cosseted princess. Books were my magic tools, some day my prince would come. Reading a book I became the heroine, I conquered the giant, my heart broke but was mended by an act of kindness or compassion that over rode the pain that I was feeling.  In books there was a 'happy ever after'.


As the oldest of a family of 5 children, I felt a burden of responsibility that looking back as an adult I feel was unfair. Why should an 11 year old girl be expected to look after her baby sister or help clean the house or make sure that her brothers and sisters got to school on time. Books were my escape! I would often hide under the bed and read, dreaming of a life that I had seen in films or read in books. I dreamt of improving my life and 'making something of myself'. I'm not saying that my parents were bad, they were  just following the model that had been put before them when they were growing up.

 

Books kept me sane. They showed me another pathway, another life,  a parallel universe as it were, where you could achieve your goals and ambitions and where anything was possible! One of my ambitions was to be a writer. It's taken me a long time, but I'm now trying to pursue that ambition. This picture showing books as a' portal to another dimension' really resonated with me.





When things have been hard or when I've been going 'through it' it's always helped to read a book or write down my feelings. Whether it's been just pure escapism or taking my mind of my situation or even, quite importantly. providing me with an excuse to cry, books have been a really important part of my life.

Books help you to solve your problems, understand your problems, understand those close to you or just provide sheer escapism. By providing us with romantic figures like 'Mr Darcy' they give us  the means to immerse ourselves in a fantasy world and rise above the things that are dragging us down.  Books can help us when we're going through adverse circumstances to feel that we are not alone and that what we are feeling is 'normal'. Writing can be cathartic as long as you can deal with the consequences of other people's responses to your writings, so be careful of what you write.

I don't know at this point if I can write the next Jane Eyre or James Patterson, or 50 Shades of Grey! But I do know that as long as I live, books will continue to be a 'portal to another dimension' that will keep me feeling alive and inspired and give me hope for the future.

I'm on a pathway to fulfil my dreams. I've recently sat an exam as part of my open university degree including creative writing. I've had a poem published in my local newspaper and a short story included in a book by another writer.


If you have dreams, if you want to change your circumstances, step into the 'portal of books' and discover a world that can show you the pathway to your future.

 

When Life Gets Messy..........



Wouldn't it be lovely if life was always easy and all of our plans worked out just as we wanted them to. Some might say that this would be boring, but sometimes when you're in the thick of it, boring sounds really good. But life isn't like that and every so often we are thrown a curve ball which knocks us off our stride and makes us re-evaluate our goals and ambitions and also what our priorities are. There's a saying that 'life is what happens when you're busy making other plans'. Hands up anyone who disagrees with this phrase........not me. Yes we do need to make plans and do whatever it takes to bring these plans to fruition, but we also need to be flexible enough to, as the picture above says, 'just roll with it' when things happen that we were not expecting.

 I have been broken in the past and suffered from clinical depression for a number of years. But I do believe that I have come through it all as a stronger, hopefully wiser person. As a family we are currently going through it a bit again as a result of the seizure my husband had a few weeks ago, on the day that our first grandchild was born. Instead of just being able to enjoy the new addition to the family, we are also having to cope with the waiting on appointments and tests to try to see if the doctors can give us any answers as to why this happened, especially as it was completely out of the blue. There is also the worry of wondering if it will happen again and if it does will it be in a place of safety, with people around to help as it was the first time. My husband works and stays away from home during the week so this is a very real concern. But this could drive us mad if we let it. Our GP's advice was to' just get on with life as normal, whatever that is! I guess that's his way of telling us to 'just roll with it'. I could get upset and say 'why me?'' but what would that achieve.

In the past I would and did say 'why me? but it didn't help or change anything. So just like the person in the picture above I "Made a choice to take a chance and make a change". The choice I made was to stop feeling sorry for myself whenever something bad happened and especially to stop worrying about what might happen next. Apart from being a total waste of time, it also uses up energy best reserved for dealing with what is. Anyway, it might not happen and that is the chance that you need to take and if it does happen then you can use the energy you've saved by not worrying to deal with it. The change in my life is that I am happier and enjoy life more and I am stronger and more equipped to cope when life does throw these curve balls.

Life is going to be different at least for a while. My husband isn't allowed to drive for one thing and is having to make adjustments to his work schedule among other things. 'Mum's Taxi' is back in action to chauffeur dad around, much to his disgust, and until we get some answers we just need to think more carefully about what we do and how we do it. Don't get me wrong,  I still worry, there would be something far wrong if I didn't. The difference is I try to keep it in proportion and not let it consume me. So while 'life may be messy' at the moment, I'll 'just roll with it' and look forward to 'having a ball' again in the future.

How I lost 20+ years off my life by reading the Reader's Digest :) !

Yesterday I finally got round to reading last months Reader's Digest magazine. A headline on the front cover caught my eye; 'Go Forth and Create, Why your best years can come late in life'. This sounded right up my street! Eagerly anticipating finding out some new ideas to try out as part of my 'New Beginnings', I turned to p.42. A quote at the top of the page showed a promising start; 'Who says your best years are behind you by the time you reach middle age?' My sentiments exactly! The article then went on to give a lot of facts and statistics about the optimum age at which writers, artists, musicians etc. produce their best work. Skipping over that part as I was eager to get to the bit about getting creative in later life I turned the page and came across a section where the writer of the article grouped different ages together and made suggestions as to what you should do when you reach this age. Well all I can say is that although my birth certificate says something different, according to this person's criteria I am only in my 20-30's!

According to the author people in this age group should make time for singing, writing or drawing. They also suggest that they should take part in on-line forums, join a choir and start your own blog. Apart from the drawing, I never was very good at it, I've done all of the above in the past year!

 

Ever ready to learn and develop I then turned to the section for my age group. I've never felt so patronised or let down as I was when I saw what she suggests for us more mature people. I quote; ' Select one of these objects and draw what it might look like: a piece of furniture that's also a fruit; a vehicle that's a fish; a computer that's a teacup...................! Obviously if we're over a certain age then we must all be senile as far as this person is concerned! Anyway, I've already said that I can't draw so there's no hope for me then. As I read on she wrote, 'the old 'use it or lose it' adage still stands'. so what does she suggest we do to use it? Again I quote, 'spend 10 minutes each day doodling with your wrong hand'! Shoot me now if that's all I'm meant to be capable of.





 But it gets worse! Once you're over 70, you're meant to roll a 6 sided dice to select 1 of 6 questions and spend some time pondering on the question selected. An example of one of the questions is 'How would the world be different if you had 2 thumbs on each hand? Now is it just me or does anyone else find this either highly amusing, insulting or both?

A couple of months ago someone posted on facebook this picture of a 90 year old woman and a copy of her tips for living. Personally I'd rather follow them than these bizarre suggestions in the Reader's Digest. So here they are:-
  

Words of wisdom from an 90 year old 

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio . 

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more: 

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 

3. Life is too short – enjoy it. 

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.  

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself. 

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check. 

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.  

12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it... 

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. 

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways. 

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else. 

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. 

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple 

22. The most important sex organ is the brain. 

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?' 

25. Always choose life. 

26. Forgive but don’t forget.  

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.  

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.. 

31. Believe in miracles. 

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. 

34. Your children get only one childhood. 

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need. 

39. The best is yet to come... 

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 

41. Yield. 

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

My favourite is no.21 'wear purple'! It's one of my favourite colours and as any of my friends will tell you, I wear it a lot! Looking at this list I think that I do most of them already but there's a few that I could probably work on a bit more. Still, if it means that I might live until I'm 90 and still be enjoying life, then it'll be worth it.

Valentine's Day-a day for celebration.

So today is the 14th February-Valentine's day. The day for flowers, chocolates and romantic gestures. It's the celebration of Valentinus who was imprisoned because he ministered to Christians who were persecuted under the Roman Empire and also performed marriage ceremonies for soldiers who were forbidden to marry. This to me shows that it's really a celebration of love overcoming difficult circumstances. Of course nowadays, just like Christmas, it's been taken over by the commercial side of it. Poor husbands and boyfriends are made to feel like failures if they don't act out of character and perform some romantic gesture that is totally unique. Now of course I wouldn't mind if my hubby did manage to surprise me by some extravagant gesture, although it may cause me to check his phone for evidence that he was having an affair, as it would be so out of character! Just kidding, he does try.

But don't you think that real love is about more than buying cards and flowers and paying over the odds for a meal that the day before was half the price just because it's Valentines Day. When my and hubby and I married our vows were the traditional ones where we promised to love, honour and obey, in sickness and in health. My poor hubby has certainly been tested on the sickness one. As anyone with an autoimmune disease like Lupus will know it can make life tough not just for the individual themselves, but also on their family and their partners in particular. Watching someone you love suffering can sometimes be harder than going through it yourself. I'm still a bit shaken up from watching my hubby have a seizure just over a week ago and as he waits for the MRI scan that might or might not give us some answers as to why it happened, I'm experiencing what it must have been like for him every time I ended up in hospital having a Lupus flare. Having someone who's willing to be there for you in the difficult times of life is worth way more than any expensive presents.

But Valentine's day, just like any other special day, can be a difficult day for some. Talking to one of the check out ladies at my local supermarket one Valentine's Day a few years ago I discovered that we had something in common. Both of us had lost our mother's on Valentine's Day. As anyone who has lost someone on a special day knows it changes how you feel about it. Instead of looking forward to it and planning how you're going to spend it, it becomes a day to be got through as best you can. When others are talking excitedly about their plans, you remain quiet not wanting to spoil their fun or be seen as the spectre at the feast. You see flowers not as a romantic gesture, but as a reminder of the wreaths and floral tributes of another, sadder occasion. On Valentine's day I particularly feel for my sisters who had to watch as my mum fought and lost her battle with cancer. What must be going through their minds today, I can only guess at.

In an earlier blog I wrote a poem called 'In Memorium' and I dedicate it in honour of my mum and anyone else who is sadly missed and remembered on this, or any other day.

 

In Memorium.

Sometimes it's good to take some time
To sit down and reflect
On where you're life is working
And things that you neglect.

Is precious time spent wisely?
Priorities correct.
Chosen with your heart strings
Or with your intellect?

Our time on earth is finite
How much we'll never know.
Yet, we cannot live in fear of
When it's our time to go.

This day I am remembering
Those I've loved and lost.
Especially those too early
At far too high a cost!

Remember life is precious
Our time worth more than gold.
So let us spend it wisely
As our destinies unfold