When Life Gets Messy..........



Wouldn't it be lovely if life was always easy and all of our plans worked out just as we wanted them to. Some might say that this would be boring, but sometimes when you're in the thick of it, boring sounds really good. But life isn't like that and every so often we are thrown a curve ball which knocks us off our stride and makes us re-evaluate our goals and ambitions and also what our priorities are. There's a saying that 'life is what happens when you're busy making other plans'. Hands up anyone who disagrees with this phrase........not me. Yes we do need to make plans and do whatever it takes to bring these plans to fruition, but we also need to be flexible enough to, as the picture above says, 'just roll with it' when things happen that we were not expecting.

 I have been broken in the past and suffered from clinical depression for a number of years. But I do believe that I have come through it all as a stronger, hopefully wiser person. As a family we are currently going through it a bit again as a result of the seizure my husband had a few weeks ago, on the day that our first grandchild was born. Instead of just being able to enjoy the new addition to the family, we are also having to cope with the waiting on appointments and tests to try to see if the doctors can give us any answers as to why this happened, especially as it was completely out of the blue. There is also the worry of wondering if it will happen again and if it does will it be in a place of safety, with people around to help as it was the first time. My husband works and stays away from home during the week so this is a very real concern. But this could drive us mad if we let it. Our GP's advice was to' just get on with life as normal, whatever that is! I guess that's his way of telling us to 'just roll with it'. I could get upset and say 'why me?'' but what would that achieve.

In the past I would and did say 'why me? but it didn't help or change anything. So just like the person in the picture above I "Made a choice to take a chance and make a change". The choice I made was to stop feeling sorry for myself whenever something bad happened and especially to stop worrying about what might happen next. Apart from being a total waste of time, it also uses up energy best reserved for dealing with what is. Anyway, it might not happen and that is the chance that you need to take and if it does happen then you can use the energy you've saved by not worrying to deal with it. The change in my life is that I am happier and enjoy life more and I am stronger and more equipped to cope when life does throw these curve balls.

Life is going to be different at least for a while. My husband isn't allowed to drive for one thing and is having to make adjustments to his work schedule among other things. 'Mum's Taxi' is back in action to chauffeur dad around, much to his disgust, and until we get some answers we just need to think more carefully about what we do and how we do it. Don't get me wrong,  I still worry, there would be something far wrong if I didn't. The difference is I try to keep it in proportion and not let it consume me. So while 'life may be messy' at the moment, I'll 'just roll with it' and look forward to 'having a ball' again in the future.

How I lost 20+ years off my life by reading the Reader's Digest :) !

Yesterday I finally got round to reading last months Reader's Digest magazine. A headline on the front cover caught my eye; 'Go Forth and Create, Why your best years can come late in life'. This sounded right up my street! Eagerly anticipating finding out some new ideas to try out as part of my 'New Beginnings', I turned to p.42. A quote at the top of the page showed a promising start; 'Who says your best years are behind you by the time you reach middle age?' My sentiments exactly! The article then went on to give a lot of facts and statistics about the optimum age at which writers, artists, musicians etc. produce their best work. Skipping over that part as I was eager to get to the bit about getting creative in later life I turned the page and came across a section where the writer of the article grouped different ages together and made suggestions as to what you should do when you reach this age. Well all I can say is that although my birth certificate says something different, according to this person's criteria I am only in my 20-30's!

According to the author people in this age group should make time for singing, writing or drawing. They also suggest that they should take part in on-line forums, join a choir and start your own blog. Apart from the drawing, I never was very good at it, I've done all of the above in the past year!

 

Ever ready to learn and develop I then turned to the section for my age group. I've never felt so patronised or let down as I was when I saw what she suggests for us more mature people. I quote; ' Select one of these objects and draw what it might look like: a piece of furniture that's also a fruit; a vehicle that's a fish; a computer that's a teacup...................! Obviously if we're over a certain age then we must all be senile as far as this person is concerned! Anyway, I've already said that I can't draw so there's no hope for me then. As I read on she wrote, 'the old 'use it or lose it' adage still stands'. so what does she suggest we do to use it? Again I quote, 'spend 10 minutes each day doodling with your wrong hand'! Shoot me now if that's all I'm meant to be capable of.





 But it gets worse! Once you're over 70, you're meant to roll a 6 sided dice to select 1 of 6 questions and spend some time pondering on the question selected. An example of one of the questions is 'How would the world be different if you had 2 thumbs on each hand? Now is it just me or does anyone else find this either highly amusing, insulting or both?

A couple of months ago someone posted on facebook this picture of a 90 year old woman and a copy of her tips for living. Personally I'd rather follow them than these bizarre suggestions in the Reader's Digest. So here they are:-
  

Words of wisdom from an 90 year old 

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio . 

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more: 

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 

3. Life is too short – enjoy it. 

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.  

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself. 

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check. 

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.  

12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it... 

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. 

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways. 

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else. 

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. 

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple 

22. The most important sex organ is the brain. 

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?' 

25. Always choose life. 

26. Forgive but don’t forget.  

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.  

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.. 

31. Believe in miracles. 

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. 

34. Your children get only one childhood. 

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need. 

39. The best is yet to come... 

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 

41. Yield. 

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

My favourite is no.21 'wear purple'! It's one of my favourite colours and as any of my friends will tell you, I wear it a lot! Looking at this list I think that I do most of them already but there's a few that I could probably work on a bit more. Still, if it means that I might live until I'm 90 and still be enjoying life, then it'll be worth it.

Valentine's Day-a day for celebration.

So today is the 14th February-Valentine's day. The day for flowers, chocolates and romantic gestures. It's the celebration of Valentinus who was imprisoned because he ministered to Christians who were persecuted under the Roman Empire and also performed marriage ceremonies for soldiers who were forbidden to marry. This to me shows that it's really a celebration of love overcoming difficult circumstances. Of course nowadays, just like Christmas, it's been taken over by the commercial side of it. Poor husbands and boyfriends are made to feel like failures if they don't act out of character and perform some romantic gesture that is totally unique. Now of course I wouldn't mind if my hubby did manage to surprise me by some extravagant gesture, although it may cause me to check his phone for evidence that he was having an affair, as it would be so out of character! Just kidding, he does try.

But don't you think that real love is about more than buying cards and flowers and paying over the odds for a meal that the day before was half the price just because it's Valentines Day. When my and hubby and I married our vows were the traditional ones where we promised to love, honour and obey, in sickness and in health. My poor hubby has certainly been tested on the sickness one. As anyone with an autoimmune disease like Lupus will know it can make life tough not just for the individual themselves, but also on their family and their partners in particular. Watching someone you love suffering can sometimes be harder than going through it yourself. I'm still a bit shaken up from watching my hubby have a seizure just over a week ago and as he waits for the MRI scan that might or might not give us some answers as to why it happened, I'm experiencing what it must have been like for him every time I ended up in hospital having a Lupus flare. Having someone who's willing to be there for you in the difficult times of life is worth way more than any expensive presents.

But Valentine's day, just like any other special day, can be a difficult day for some. Talking to one of the check out ladies at my local supermarket one Valentine's Day a few years ago I discovered that we had something in common. Both of us had lost our mother's on Valentine's Day. As anyone who has lost someone on a special day knows it changes how you feel about it. Instead of looking forward to it and planning how you're going to spend it, it becomes a day to be got through as best you can. When others are talking excitedly about their plans, you remain quiet not wanting to spoil their fun or be seen as the spectre at the feast. You see flowers not as a romantic gesture, but as a reminder of the wreaths and floral tributes of another, sadder occasion. On Valentine's day I particularly feel for my sisters who had to watch as my mum fought and lost her battle with cancer. What must be going through their minds today, I can only guess at.

In an earlier blog I wrote a poem called 'In Memorium' and I dedicate it in honour of my mum and anyone else who is sadly missed and remembered on this, or any other day.

 

In Memorium.

Sometimes it's good to take some time
To sit down and reflect
On where you're life is working
And things that you neglect.

Is precious time spent wisely?
Priorities correct.
Chosen with your heart strings
Or with your intellect?

Our time on earth is finite
How much we'll never know.
Yet, we cannot live in fear of
When it's our time to go.

This day I am remembering
Those I've loved and lost.
Especially those too early
At far too high a cost!

Remember life is precious
Our time worth more than gold.
So let us spend it wisely
As our destinies unfold

Manchester-Shock City!

Sunday 3rd February 2013 is a day that I'm not going to forget in a hurry-for all sorts of reasons! But to tell the full story I need to go back a day to the Saturday. As our daughter-in-law was a week over her due date, we decided to go up to Manchester where they live, to give a bit of support, secretly hoping that she might give birth to our first grandchild while we were there. Her mum and dad had been there for over a week already and were as fed up as my son and daughter-in-law. As we were only planning to be away overnight we decided to leave our 2 cats 'home alone' with plenty of food and litter trays.

A young mum who had heard me saying that the baby was overdue had recommended Clary Sage, an essential oil that is advised against using while pregnant for the very reason that it can induce labour. So, armed with a bottle of Clary Sage we arrived in Manchester just after lunchtime. My daughter-in-lawwho was ready to try anything, duly sniffed the Clary Sage and we sat back to wait!

 

In the early hours of the morning, our son tapped on our bedroom door to tell us that she had started labour, but as it was still early days we tried to get some sleep. By 10.30am she was obviously in the early stages of labour, so leaving her in the capable hands of her mum and dad, my husband and I decided to go to the local supermarket to buy some groceries. Everything was progressing nicely, both in the supermarket and at home, when I sent my husband off to find some pot noodles. When he failed to return, thinking that he probably 'couldn't see them for looking at them' I set off to find him.

As I approached the pot noodle aisle, I noticed a crowd of people gathered around a man who had collapsed. I then realised that it was my husband who was lying on the floor! Abandoning the trolley I knelt down demanding to know what had happened. Another shopper had seen him fall down on the ground and proceed to have a seizure, the first one he's ever had. Fortunately the lady knew to put him in the recovery position and make sure that he didn't swallow his tongue. Another member of the public was on the phone with the ambulance service and he handed me the phone to speak to them.   I handed the phone back to the young man as I needed to phone someone back at the house to tell them what was happening, I then bizarrely decided to phone our local cattery to ask them to go and collect our cats as I knew that there was no way that we were going home that night as planned. Isn't it funny the things you think of when you're in shock! Meanwhile back at my son's house, my daughter-in-laws waters had burst.

When we explained that my daughter-in-law was in labour the paramedics agreed to take my husband to the hospital that she was due to give birth in. And so it transpired that as my daughter-in-law arrived at the hospital in labour, my husband and I arrived at the same hospital in an ambulance. When she arrived she was already 5cm dilated and they transferred her almost immediately to the birthing suite where after only about four and a half hours of labour our gorgeous grandson Alexander, Dawson, Scott Johnstone slipped into the world via the birthing pool, weighing a healthy 8lb 7oz. Meanwhile down in A&E the new grandparents were waiting on a doctor to come and explain to them what had happened and why?


As anyone who has ever had to go to A&E can tell you, that was to be a long drawn out process. After some initial tests the new grandpa was transferred to an assessment ward where he was told that he would be sent for a ct scan. This was Sunday and he finally had his scan on Tuesday evening. He was then discharged and was finally able to meet his new grandson.The scan did show an anomaly on his brain, but further investigation is required before any satisfactory explanation can possibly be arrived at. After a night spent in hospital just to make sure that mother and baby were both ok, they were able to go home much to the joy and relief of everyone. He is such a good baby and his presence helped to keep us all sane in an insane situation. I don't know how I would have coped without the help and support of our wonderful extended family, the in-laws. It was another feat of the team work that made our Christmas so successful. I can't thank them enough! My son certainly chose well when he met his wife as we've not only gained a daughter-in-law, but also a whole new family. We're also very grateful to the customers and staff of Tesco who helped out when my husband collapsed.
On the Wednesday the day after my husband left hospital, I decided to have a look at the next book that I have to read for my open university course. Opening the first couple of pages the heading of the first chapter couldn't fail to catch my eye! 'Manchester: Shock City', it said-no kidding!!!!!!!!!!

We're back home now and waiting on an appointment for the MRI scan. Our son and daughter-in-law have taken to being parents like the proverbial 'ducks to water' and keep sending us photos via text message and we can also keep in touch by Skype. Her parents had to go home sooner than expected because of some distressing news they received about great-grandma and my son heard that he'd got the promotion that he'd been interviewed for the previous week. Life is strange and I've certainly been feeling as if I was in a movie or soap opera for the past few days. But maybe that's just the way it is in Manchester: Shock City!