Tuesday, 27 August 2013

I only went out for a bottle of milk!

How does a mature Open University student spend her August Bank Holiday? Why, by responding to one of the 30 minute writing prompts, of course!
Here is my latest attempt. Just a bit of fun. I hope you enjoy it.
I only went to the shop for a bottle of milk!
I’ve said it before and, I’ll say it again. My life! You couldn’t make it up. The day started off as normal. By normal I mean that I stumbled out of bed, fell over the cat and made my nose bleed by crashing into the chest of drawers. I went into the bathroom to get a wet flannel to put on it only to discover the most enormous spider glaring at me menacingly. Beating a hasty retreat back into the bedroom I grabbed the first piece of clothing that came to hand to staunch, the by now, gushing flow of blood, which happened to be my designer raw silk blouse bought on our honeymoon in Paris.
In the kitchen an even bigger disaster awaited me as unable to see due to my holding my head up because of my still bleeding nose, I failed to notice that one of our elderly cats who was a bit incontinent, had missed the litter tray. Thump, crash, bang as my bottom hit the floor leaving a trail of; well I’ll leave that to your imaginations.
A while later, bleeding stopped, kitchen and me cleaned up, I could finally think about putting on some coffee, an absolute necessity if I’m to be the least bit civil to anyone today day. Coffee machine bubbling away I close my eyes thinking of that first sip of the elixir of life. Humming to myself and thinking that, surely things could only get better, I opened the fridge door and disaster; there was no milk! Now, I do like my coffee, I’m a bit of a coffee snob to be honest, but it has to have milk in it!
Our local shop is only a 10 minute walk away but being desperate I decided to jump in the car. It was a Bank holiday and the normally busy road was, unusually devoid of traffic. Looking carefully left then right, I started to reverse out of our driveway. The sound of screeching metal and a slight juddering in the cars usually smooth movement caused me to stop. Lying under the back wheels was my daughter’s 2 day old birthday present, a bike. This was going to be one expensive pint of milk. Not only had I ruined the bike, but the handle bars had caught the exhaust pipe and ripped it off completely.
If ever I needed that bloody coffee it was now! Leaving the mess to deal with on my return, I set off down the road at a pace my somewhat out of shape body wasn’t used too.
‘You alright there lass, you look as if you’ve just done the marathon!’ quipped Mr Mackenzie, our local retailer.
Resisting the urge to punch him in his cheery face, I politely, placed my litre of milk on the counter.
’89 pence please.’ He said giving me a peculiar stare. ‘If you don’t mind me asking, are you ok?’
‘Why wouldn’t I be ok?’ I growled. Shooting my worst dagger's look in his direction.
‘Well it’s just that you’re still wearing your pyjamas.’
Blushing furiously, I wrapped my arms around my body.
‘They’re not my pyjamas they’re the latest fashion statement from Milan! Everyone’s wearing them this season. Oh and while you’re at it, I’ll have a number 6 scratch card.’
Mustering as much dignity as I could, I paid for my purchases and nonchalantly wandered out of the shop. Round the corner, out of sight, I leaned against the wall the heat of my embarrassment bringing me out in a sweat. Could this day get any worse? Well what the hell, I thought. Taking a coin from my purse I rubbed the surface of the scratch card. As I removed the silvery coating, out of the variety of objects gradually being revealed appeared, not one, not two but three gold bars. After checking and I rechecking, I went back into the shop, a dazed expression on my face.
‘Can you just check this for me please?’ I croaked.
Mr Mackenzie put the card through his machine. Shook his head and tried again.
‘Well, I don’t believe it lass. You’ve only gone and won a million!’
‘Right!’ I gasped. ‘But I only went out for a bottle of milk!’
© 2013

No comments :

Post a Comment