Friday, 12 October 2012

What happened to my childhood dreams?

As a child I belonged to the St Ninian's Concert Party. This was a drama group for kids aged between 8-16. My debut at the tender age of 8, was singing 'Singing in the Rain' with 4 girls with brollies dancing behind me. To my young mind this was exactly what I should be doing and there was no doubt in my mind that it was what I would always be doing! Over the years I was Cinderella, the Princess in Aladdin and Happy the Dwarf in Snow White, to name a few parts. I absolutely loved it and when asked what I was going to be I always said an actress or a nurse! What happened?

Me as the princess in Aladdin.

My sister and I were blessed with overlapping front teeth. On a visit to the dentist, my mum asked if anything could be done about my teeth. The dentist replied "Why? It's not as if she's going to be an actress or anything!" I can hear your gasps already! What sort of thing is that to say in front of a 12 year old girl. Unfortunately, words seem to have the power to wound. They also have the ability to stay in our memory for a very long time. But somehow it always seems to be the negative words that stick around the longest. Now I'm not saying that this was the only reason that I didn't follow my dream as an adult, but it was certainly one of them. Ironically, if I was a child today I would have been given a brace to correct it.

My sister and I were only 14 months apart in age and people often mistook us for twins. One of the ways that people differentiated between us was by describing my sister as 'the pretty one'. Ouch, even years later that still hurts! Fortunately I'm old enough to know that 'looks aren't everything' and anyway some of the best character actresses are not regularily featured in the top 10 best looking category. But again, to my 12 year old brain, if I couldn't be the leading lady then what was the point.
Actually, the reality is if I had wanted it enough and had been ambitious enough, I probably would have at least tried.

But is it too late? Over the past couple of years I've taken risks and attempted to do not only new things, such as blogging, but also some of the things that I used to enjoy. Now I'm not saying that I want to become famous or take to the West End stage, but it does mean that even at 50+ I can still attempt to pursue my dreams. These may be old dreams resurrected or new ones I've obtained by experiencing life and all it has to offer. I've come to realise that it's not what other people say about us that determines what we achieve, but how we see and feel about ourselves. The old saying "if you don't try you'll never know" is so true.

Last night I went to see an amatuer dramatic group doing Calendar Girls. Most of them were my age or even older. Imagine taking your top off on stage, possibly for the first time, in your sixty\seventies! Well actually I can't lol. They were absolutely brilliant. Who knows, maybe I'll join the drama group or sing another solo at another singing workshop. Whatever I decide it will be something that helps to keep me dreaming. Dreams are not just for the young. They don't have to be highly ambitious or even something that is done in public. As long as it is something that stretches you and makes you happy.

As for nursing! I would have been useless! It's not that I don't care, if anything I care too much. I would probably have spent most of my time crying and ended up an emotional wreck at seeing people suffering. I certainly couldn't have coped with bed pans.

Flashmob Granny.

No comments :

Post a Comment